anythingdrabble | Torchwood: Ianto, Jack, Owen, Tosh: Prompt 289

Title: Not Himself
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters/Pairings: Andy, Ianto, Jack, Tosh, Owen.
Word Count: 500
Rating: PG
Summary: Jack has suffered an unfortunate mishap, but Ianto is not feeling particularly sympathetic.
A/N: Longer version available at my journal, HERE.

Andy soon found that working for Torchwood meant redefining what you considered possible.

“It’s no use blaming me,” Ianto said, entering the Hub. “This isn’t my fault.”

The creature on his head chittered angrily, peering down at his face.

“Don’t take that tone with me. I could’ve just left you out there.”

‘ChitterChitter!’ The creature stamped a small paw.

“No. You’re old enough to take responsibility for your own misadventures.”

‘ChitterChitterChitter!’

“I know you don’t like squirrels, but I didn’t turn you into one. I told you to be careful, but you didn’t listen. You never do.”

‘ChitterChitter!’

“I survived being stuck as a chipmunk for most of a day that time, so you can deal with being a squirrel until Tosh can turn you back.”

Squirrel Jack chittered some more, leaning right over to glare at Ianto, one paw on the bridge of his boyfriend’s nose for balance.

“Watch where you’re putting your claws, twpsyn!”

Withdrawing to the top of Ianto’s head, Jack ground his teeth.

Ianto sighed. “If you hadn’t picked this thing up, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.” He set a containment box on Tosh’s desk. “Got a job for you, if you’re not too busy.”

“I’ll get right on it,” Tosh promised.

“No need to rush. Might do himself some good having to live with the consequences of his actions for once.”

Captain Squirrel gave an angry squeal.

“Want me to lock you in a cage?”

Ianto’s threat was enough to make Jack subside.

“I should think so. Try using this as a learning experience instead of complaining. You might even find it cures you of your squirrel aversion.”

‘ChitterChitter!’

“Well, you would say that.”

“You understand squirrels now?” Owen asked.

“No, but I understand Jack in any language. Now, suppose I’d better make coffee for everyone.”

With surprising dignity, considering he had a squirrel on his head, Ianto made for the kitchen, leaving the newest member of the team gaping after him.

“This sort of thing happen often, does it?” Andy asked.

“Often enough, but you’ll get used to it,” Owen assured the ex-PC.

“Once you’ve been turned into something else a few times, nothing really surprises you anymore,” Tosh added, opening the containment box to get a good look at what she was dealing with. “Accidents with alien tech happen all the time; there are worse things than just getting temporarily transformed. It can be quite fun sometimes, depending on what you’re turned into.”

“At least you didn’t run out screaming,” Owen pointed out, nodding approvingly at Andy. “Anything’s possible around here. Keep Calm and Carry On should be our official motto. Where’s Jack?” he added as Ianto returned with the coffees.

Setting the tray down, Ianto turned to show Squirrel Jack clinging to the back of his jacket. “I told him to get off my head because nobody wants squirrel fur in their coffee.”

“You know he’s staring at your arse, right?” Owen smirked.

Ianto half shrugged. “Figures. Some things never change.”

The End.